Four of a Kind...Is a Straight Flush

The Big Four. No, not accounting firms. Nor the Nob Hill hotels built by the railroad barons in the 1800’s. I’m talking about the Big Four vices of all time. Four of the most consumed and abused in America today. Two are legal; two are not. For various reasons. And not all justified. For various reasons. Alcohol, Cocaine, Marijuana and Tobacco. The two that are legal, should be illegal, for the damage they do. To the users, and the people around them. They do more damage than one of the illegals, which is one that should be legal (marijuana). To a certain degree. For medicinal purposes, which has been proven. Why is it one of the four has never been the direct result of a death? How can you smoke too much marijuana? A can of worms, for sure. But all four, for whatever use beyond medicinal reasons, are a straight flush. Without going into the histories of each, let’s review some positives, some negatives, some conspiracy theories that accompany them, and my personal experiences, which validates my putting this all down for the record.

Alcohol

Positives

Alcohol is only beneficial in small amounts. Wine is the most beneficial. Has to do with increasing the body’s HDL (high-density lipoprotein), the good cholesterol, thanks to a key ingredient call resveratrol. It helps one unwind from an otherwise-stressful day. It lowers inhibitions relative to shyness, enabling one to comfortably socialize better. But that’s a crutch in the long-term. From the constant urination resulting from use, it ‘keeps the pipes flowing’, alleviating any possible calcium deposit buildup, resulting in stones. But beyond two drinks, alcohol has the opposite effect.
Negatives

Where do I begin. #1 – Drinking and driving. Alcohol impairs judgment, slows reflexes, causes drowsiness, and turns the vehicle into a weapon of mass destruction. Driving is a privilege, not a right, as so many take for granted. For all the accidents that occur, and deaths that result, this is one that should be 0% tolerance. DUI: lose your license, lose your ride, and a free ride to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.00.

Other negatives pale in comparison, but they exist, nonetheless. That would be the personality shift. For every person that benefits from a drink or two, socially speaking (the happy drunk), there are ten who become obnoxious, belligerent, loud, dominating, and an annoyance to everyone around them. The Irish are the worst. I know. It’s a blanket statement. But I’m a drinker. My malt liquor 40’s are my drink of choice. I’ve spent many a years at keggers, bars, clubs, etc. It’s the Irish that always start shit. I should know. I’m part Irish. But I’m also part English and part Canadian French (Cajun). I’m ready to fight, but I was never the type to start shit. Ultimately, I fini(sh)it. Needless to say, alcohol brings out the worst of people.

Ever notice after people have had a couple drinks, the inhibitions disappear? They do things and say things they would not normally do in a sober setting. The next day, the apologies come out. ‘They didn’t mean it.’ ‘They were drunk at the time.’ ‘They didn’t know what they were doing.’ Bullshit. While it may be a negative for the shit that is done or said while under the influence, LaFever considers it a positive because what he’s getting is the truth. Under the influence, people will express their true feelings. You want to know what someone really thinks about you, get them drunk. But, at the same time, be prepared to kick their ass. Because if they’re looking for a fight, the cheapshot is only a moment away. I like to look away but keep them in my peripheral. When the swing comes, it’s miles off the mark. And the lack of balance that accompanies alcohol consumption usually results in a fall to the floor. A definite negative, for sure.

Conspiracy Theories

I’m not up on any, relative to alcohol. What I know is what I see. What I see is a billion-dollar business. A billion-dollar business run by a few corporations with a huge amount of clout on Capitol Hill. What I see is a billion-dollar industry regulated and taxed by the US Government. What I don’t see is Prohibition ever happening again, as it did during the early 1900’s. The Government was smart. It saw a huge cash cow that could be regulated and controlled. It knew the consequences and dangers relative to the DUI aspect, and the physical dangers to the human body. Small price to pay. As fucked up as it is. Of course, there’s the legendary stories about the Kennedy patriarch (Joe) amassing his fortune and power running bootleg rum during the Prohibition. The Kennedy’s were no saints, that’s for sure.

LaFever’s use

For me, it’s simple. I know and understand my limitations. The primary reason is that if consumption goes too far, I’ll get sick. I don’t become belligerent or confrontational, unless confronted or provoked, of course. I’m a happy drunk. I don’t black out, as many others do. I simply throw up. Vomit. Puke. And I hate that. Worst feeling in the world. Like my insides want to be on my outsides. Beer, wine, and mixed drinks. Wine, I stay away from. Quick buzz, can’t drink more than one bottle. More importantly, hard to get up from in the morning. No hangovers, mind you. I never get hangovers. Hangovers happen to those who puke, and keep drinking, or black out. Hangovers are cuaed not by the alcohol, but the other ingredients. It’s the caramel coloring. No one gets hangovers after consuming the clear alcohols (vodka, gin, clear rum & tequila). It’s the bourbons, scotches, dark rums and colored tequilas that cause it. Oh, and the cheap shit. You know: the stuff the winos drink. Royal Gate. Wolfschmidt. You don’t see the Latin population drinking Cuervo. Yecch.

Domestic beer costs too much. A 40 of malt liquor runs $3.00 tops. That’s 3 1/3 beers. Or just over half a six-pack. More bang for your buck, if you ask me. Oh, by the way: I don’t have a license; therefore, I don’t drive. Nuff said.

Almost forgot. Ever notice that beer drinkers who drink a variety in addition to their favorite, never drink Coors. But those that drink Coors, drink one brand and one brand only, Coors Light. If you drink Coors, you might as well drink it standing in front of a toilet.

Cocaine

Positives

The only positive attributable to cocaine was for it’s initial use while it was still legal; that being during the 50’s, specifically, during the Korean War. My dad served in that war. Trucked supplies to the front line. Probably had no clue what his cargo was. I would find out later from a friend who also served his time there. Much older than me, obviously. He was in the medical unit. He was also a supplier of mine. Evidently, there were various numbing agents (novocaine, procaine) used for medical purposes, but for facial wounds, it was cocaine. I can’t remember the reasons why, but I do remember they made sense. At that time, its future use had yet to be discovered. He discovered it, though. Probably accidentally. Maybe he got punched in the nose, and used it to alleviate the pain, getting high in the process.

The only other positive was as an ingredient in the most popular soft drink in the world, Coca Cola. ‘Coca’ is the root word for cocaine, and the name of the plant from which cocaine is derived. ‘Cola’ comes from ‘kola’, or, the ‘kola nut’; the main ingredient before caffeine came on to the scene. Cocaine was outlawed in the early 70’s, and subsequently removed from Coca Cola. And kola nut was switched to caffeine due to it’s lower cost. By that time, it was pointless to change the name. It was a household staple. Now it is simply a misnomer. Coca Cola is now high fructose corn syrup (sugar), caffeine, carbonated soda water, food coloring.
Negatives

Definitely, the worst of the four. Even more than heroin. Heroin addicts can go a few days before their fix takes over. Cocaine users, abusers, no, addicts, need it daily. And they’ll do whatever it takes. At least for your average user. Some of us possess a higher level of discipline and have learned to keep it at bay, realizing and understanding the urge and some how, some way, do without until the resources become available to continue. Even worse, is the cooked, purified version of cocaine, known as freebase, and it’s current incarnation, crack.

Typical and common negatives are ‘the need for more’, also known as ‘fiending’, and extreme paranoia, in the form of irrational or misperceived thoughts of others’ thoughts and/or intentions, and the feeling of ‘being watched’. Of course, these negatives are amplified if cocaine is consumed in the form of crack. Cocaine in it’s purest form is the most dangerous drug in the world. Originally called ‘freebase’, it became ‘crack’ when it became readily available as a street drug. Named appropriately from the sound it makes when lit, a crackling sound. While ‘freebase’ was cocaine cooked back to it’s initial freeform, ‘crack’ maintained a certain amount of ‘cut’, as a result of a quick cook. ‘Freebase’ was common in the 70’s for those who wanted an immediate and stronger rush. But it was more short-lived than the standard venue of consumption (nasal cavity).

Conspiracy theories

The main one here is the one involving the US Government. Obviously, it isn’t the black community that’s bringing it into the country. Or any other racial communities. The theory is that it’s agencies of the USGovernment, operating on their own, targeting specific communities, knowing the result will be civil war and in-feuding, tearing the community apart. Why is it the black community is the only one that dwell in low-income housing, also known as ‘projects’? Some things never change. Today, the primary dealers are Mexican, but now it’s done as a business. They are not consumers of the product. They work for a living and support their families. It’s their clients/customers’ lives that are destroyed.

LaFever’s use

Only one comment. In the 90’s, I moved home with Mom twice because of it. And I’m not proud of it either. But like Neitchze says, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Now I’m strictly a beer drinker. Besides, it was always a scary and humbling situation watching others tweak on it.

Marijuana

Positives

Never has there been a more controversial drug than marijuana. Of all the illegal drugs out there, this one is the only one that is classified a misdemeanor. Why is that? But that should fall under the conspiracy section. First, the positives. Basically, all the positives for marijuana fall under the medical category. For anyone suffering from a variety of diseases, most notably, cancer, the biggest one of all, for which there is still no cure, marijuana seems to be the only thing that alleviates most of the side effects of the prescribed drugs for treatment, and chemotherapy.

Negatives

Same as cocaine, to a lesser degree. That being paranoia. Excess marijuana use has been known to cause paranoia in its use. That’s a given. Especially since most smoke to alleviate stress. Sounds contradictory, if you ask me. Which means use at work, a major source of stress. So it goes, the paranoia surfacing in the form of being discovered, or caught. What do you expect? Your eyes are red, and glassy? And the always-prevalent smiling/laughing disposition is a giveaway. The constant required effort to not be exposed, called ‘maintaining’, ends up taking all of your energy, causing stress in its own right. Not worth it.
Conspiracy Theories

The main one here is the US Government’s dilemma over involvement and regulation. Unlike cocaine, where they’re tagged as being indirectly responsible for its importation, they have no control over marijuana, as it is grown here. By small farmers and landowners. Too many to be tracked and recorded. Even now, there are clubs that exist, under the watchful eye of authorities, that distribute to members with medical clearance from their doctors, for reasons that are obvious, stated in the Positive section. Every once in awhile, there is a crackdown. I think it’s for good reason. Just like everything else in life that is allowed to run wild and free, the reins need to be pulled back. My best friend from high school has a brother who has an official member card that allows him to legally purchase marijuana at one of these clubs. He’s not sick. He’s not dying. He is why the clubs get raided on an infrequent basis.

For the most part, the US Government is still on the fence. It’s only a misdemeanor, so processing arrestees costs more than it’s worth. It is pretty much accepted that marijuana is not a drug that produces violent mood swings and provokes destruction on the part of the user. And while alcohol gives the user a feeling of invincibility, marijuana users tend to become more cautious in situations outside of their control. More like laidback, for sure.

The other, more prevalent, reason is the lack of the government’s ability to curtail production. If that were possible, it would be something they could control, and tax. After all, pot is also a billion-dollar industry. And the government hates that they’re not getting a piece of it. More like a chunk, if you ask me.

LaFever’s use

My first joint occurred out of town. Didn’t feel anything. Maybe it was shit. I didn’t know. I was a virgin. Not the second time. Had a joint I was saving for after work, but before one of my high school dances. Smoked it at the bus stop. By the time I got to the dance twenty minutes later, I was ripped. The school dean was at the front door. As usual, I was paranoid, not greatly, that I would be discovered. He knew I had come from my job. It was the last half hour of the dance. He never gave it a second thought. He was more sympathetic since I came from work and there for the last half hour. Working the bingo there on Monday nights also may have been a contributing factor. Bingo started as the Jesuits were finishing dinner in the back. They all drank wine. In large quantities. So, I guess alcohol is blessed.

That was the middle of my junior year. Smoked for the next three years. Mostly after work. Then before work. Then at lunch. I realized it was zapping my energy. Always tired. The end didn’t come in the form of a bust. There came a time where I kept forgetting where I left off on projects during work hours. I got burned out on it, pun intended. Quit cold turkey. It worked for a time, for creative reasons, and recreational purposes, but wasn’t to be. That was 25 years ago. But I can still see the case for legalization, albeit for medicinal purposes. With regulation, of course.

Tobacco

Positives

Which brings us to my most-hated vice, even more than cocaine, which is still consumed on occasion, but in moderation. Cigarettes. No. Positives? None whatsoever. Period.

Negatives

I’ve saved the worst for last. Where do I begin? Lung cancer. Emphysema. Secondhand conditions. Birth defects. Fires as a result of smokers’ falling asleep with lit cigarettes. Everything in the immediate surroundings smelling like smoke. Need I say more? Of course. Some say it’s worse than cocaine and heroine when it comes to addiction.
Conspiracy Theories

None that I know of, except for the power of the tobacco industry in keeping it legal, in spite of it’s detriment to our health. How is it that a ‘pack of smokes’ can have a disclaimer from the Surgeon General of the US on the side of the package, stating the dangers of consumption, and be readily and freely sold over the counter to the general public, and still be sued in court by consumers suffering from the same conditions stated by the Surgeon General on the pack itself, 30 years later, and win. Who hasn’t seen the old lady with the hole in her throat, to breath, as a result from throat cancer brought on by 30 years of smoking, and her taking a ‘drag’ from a cigarette, through that hole? Disgusting. Not one person has successfully sued an alcohol-producing company for damage to their liver or kidneys. Obviously, there’s more clout with the tobacco companies than there is with the alcohol companies. And more money to be made via taxes. It’s all over my head.

LaFever’s use

Not this time, folks. I saw it destroy my father. 45 years of use. Died at 60. Mom quit cold turkey after becoming gravely ill. I spent many a nights coming home from the clubs, taking off my clothes, reaking of tobacco smoke. Tried it once. Choked for five minutes. Became lightheaded. Glad I never started. That was it for me. My favorite bumper sticker: Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.

Bottom Line:

This Four-Of-A-Kind is a Straight Flush. None of the positives outweigh the negatives. In spite of my consumption, I maintain this philosophy. I’m no saint, and don’t claim to be. As much as I hated it every time my dad would say these words, I knew they had meaning, and purpose, and would hold true for years to come:


“Do as I say, not as I do.”